Woody Allen week
Annie Hall, 1977 (*****)
[After sex with Annie.]
Alvy Singer: That was the most fun I've ever had without laughing.
Annie Hall: It's so clean out here!
Alvy Singer: That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.
Alvy Singer (about Los Angeles): I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
Alvy Singer: Love is too weak a word for what I feel -- I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I -- I do, don't you think I do?
[Alvy has killed two spiders.]
Alvy Singer: I did it. I killed 'em both.
[Annie starts crying.]
Alvy Singer: What's the matter? What are you sad about? What did you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em?
Annie Hall: Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean you're like New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself.
Alvy Singer: I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
Alvy Singer: I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh, that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym. And, uh, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.
Alvy Singer: I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for "Dysentery."
Alvy Singer: Oh really? I had heard that "Commentary" and "Dissent" had merged and formed "Dysentery."
Alvy Singer: I though of that old joke, y'know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. Y'know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but, uh, I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.
Manhattan, 1979 (****+)
Isaac Davis: This is so antiseptic. It's empty. Why do you think this is funny? You're going by audience reaction? This is an audience that's raised on television, their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
Isaac Davis: She's 17. I'm 42 and she's 17. I'm older than her father, can you believe that? I'm dating a girl, wherein, I can beat up her father
Isaac Davis: Why is life worth living? It's a very good question. Um...Well, There are certain things I guess that make it worthwhile. uh...Like what... okay...um...For me, uh... ooh... I would say ... what, Groucho Marx, to name one thing... uh...um... and Wilie Mays... and um ... the 2nd movement of the Jupiter Symphony ... and um... Louis Armstrong, recording of Potato Head Blues ... um ... Swedish movies, naturally ... Sentimental Education by Flaubert ... uh... Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra ... um ... those incredible Apples and Pears by Cezanne... uh...the crabs at Sam Wo's... uh... Tracy's face ...
Play it Again, Sam, 1972 (*****) - Directed by Herbert Ross. Written by Woody Allen.
Nancy: My lawyer will call your lawyer.
Allan: I don't have a lawyer. Have him call my doctor.
Allan: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollack, isn't it?
Museum Girl: Yes, it is.
Allan: What does it say to you?
Museum Girl: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of Man forced to live in a barren, Godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation, forming a useless bleak straitjacket in a black absurd cosmos.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum Girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
Allan: I wonder if she actually had an orgasm in the two years we were married, or did she fake it that night?
Allan: I have met a lot of dames, but you are REALLY something special.
Allan: [to Bogart] She bought it!
Allan: I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
Allan: If that plane leaves the ground, and you're not on it with him, you'll regret it - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.
Linda: That's beautiful!
Allan: It's from Casablanca; I waited my whole life to say it.
Allan: I'm so excited, I think I'll brush all my teeth today!